Well I had a crazy time over winter break. Recently I have gained a new outlook on life and took a vacation from TBS. Shortly into the break this year I told Bert that I was going on a trip of spiritual enlightenment and I set off.
I went to stay at my cousin's house in New Jersey. His name is Elroy and he's a stock broker. I arrived Christmas Night and he showed me his house which included a cool meditation room. His refrigerator was well stocked with fishes. His girlfriend had recently broke up with him because he didn't like her father, Pastor Roger D. Hennigan of the Apostolic Life Tabernacle on 1248 9th Street.
I was to stay in his "crazy ass room". He hyped it up so much I was expecting a lot, but I was let down when it turned out to be just a regular room with each wall painted a different color. Shortly after unpacking my coats and underpants I heard cousin Elroy talking to someone. I went into the living room to see who it was. He was talking to a man that looked like a cross between Conan O'Brian and Vince McMahon, except he was black. He told me he was my cousin's neighbor and his name was David Footman, but his friends called his "Footy". He told me that the whole neighborhood was going to have a winter cookout at my cousin Elroy's place. He explained that there was just one problem with said cookout. A recluse monk named Jon Complaining Lady Ebert Spool lived in the neighborhood as well. He was a big bully and not a very good monk either (everyone knew he had sex with prostitutes and dogs frequently). A community meeting was to occur and "Footy" just happened to be the first one that showed up. The meeting was to discuss how to make sure Jon Complaining Lady Ebert Spool didn't mess up the cookout. He officially invited me to the meeting. Soon others began to arrive.
Ms. Söderlundh was the next to show up, she smelled bad because she was european. Next Bravo Wong arrived. Then other less important people began to show up. Once we were all there we began discussing the problem of Jon Complaining Lady Ebert Spool. "Footy" said we should change the location of the cookout, but cousin Elroy shot down that idea. Ms. Söderlundh suggested that we kill Jon Complaining Lady Ebert Spool and hide his body in a "trollywash". Somehow everyone got the idea that me, Tear-e was a former body guard for Mystery Science Theater 3000 host Mike Nelson and they decided to just have their precious little cookout with me being their to prevent Jon Complaining Lady Ebert Spool from attending.
I went into the "crazy ass room" to contemplate life. I stayed in there until the start of my last day with cousin Elroy.
It was the day of the cookout (which was my last day there) and we all gathered as planned. Bravo Wong brought vegetable burgers cause he didn't like meats. "Footy" brought brats. Ms. Söderlundh brought nothing because she was poor (and naked).
Cousin Elroy's fence was around his property so I just had to guard the front gate, unless Jon Complaining Lady Ebert Spool jumped the fence or something.
I felt a tapping against my back, I turned to see this guy ----->
He punched me in the face. We began to fight. After a couple minutes he pulled off my glasses, I thought we had a mutual understanding about the glasses but I guess he just didn't care or something. I grabbed his tie and made him eat it. He pinned me to the ground a pulled an electronic razor from his pocket and began to shave my face. I got away just in time and ran to the airport. There I waited 7 hours until my flight and came home. I assume Jon Complaining Lady Ebert Spool ruined the winter cookout after I left, but that's not my business. I just hope our paths never cross again.
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