September 24, 2001
Bert's Philosophies on Girls
My Philosophies on Girls
Now, some of you may think that I've already done a page like
this. Well, you're wrong. The previous page was a list of experiences that make me
unable to trust girls. This page is more lighthearted and is intended to show how I view
the system of dating. This page is meant to clear up some misconceptions that certain
people have about my views on girls. I hope this page isn't too confusing. This page
was created because Joelle told me that my views were humorous and should be put on TBS.
So, here goes...
I think I will start with an analogy. As a male, and I'm
sure females share this view, I don't have just one person I think is attractive. It
would make sense to have a few girls who I like. Now, let's say I have a six-shot gun,
loaded with six bullets, or chances. Here's what I do: I point that gun into a dark room,
which contains my targets. I shoot once, and if I miss or fail, then I don't just give
up and leave. I try my other chances.
I've been accused of "liking a different girl every week."
That is simply not true. I am merely using my other shots in the dark. Now, I will
attempt to relate that story to my situation. Each bullet in the gun is an attempt for
a date, such as asking someone out. In the dark room, my targets are the girls I like.
If I shoot for someone, and miss, I must try my remaining chances with someone else.
It's not that I like someone new every week. It's that I am trying again, this time
with someone else who I already liked. Confused yet?
Now, this argument won't take long to refute. Someone said
to me, "Every time some girl shows the slightest interest in you, you're all obsessed
with them." Well, that's way off. With the girls I like, either 1) I have liked them
for a long time, or 2) I like them for reasons other than that, such as being attractive
or being a really fun person.
A third misconception about me is that I am only looking for
a girlfriend so that I can have someone to have sex with. Nothing could be farther from
the truth. I need a girlfriend, or even just a date, because I am really lonely. It
sounds vain, but since my last breakup, I have gone the longest amount of time ever
without a girlfriend since I started dating. Regardless, back to the sex thing. I am
NOT, I repeat, NOT looking for a girl just to have sex with. I am looking
for someone who will be there for me, someone who I can talk to about most anything,
someone who makes me feel better, and someone for whom I can do all of those things in
return. I am NOT looking for a vagina.
Let me specify why I need a girlfriend, or just a
date even. I am manic depressive and I have absolutely NO self-esteem. I know why
girls don't like me. It is (so far) four reasons: 1) I am ugly. I realize that. No
argument here. 2) I am loser. Also true. Compared to every other guy at our school, I
am poor. They drive home in their brand new cars to their big houses on the lake, and I
drive home in my 12-year old truck that doesn't start half the time to my small apartment.
I also have no job, which equals no money. All factors contribute. 3) I smell bad. Now,
I wasn't aware of this, and I didn't think it was true. But it's not suprising.
(although, it was only one girl who said these, and it could've been a falsity). 4) I am
a cigarette smoker. Well, why do you think I started smoking? Cuz of depression. It
makes me feel ever-so-slightly less pissed off every day. If I tried to live my life
without smoking, then I would go insane within a week. But I'm off on a tangent.
Back to why I need a girlfriend. As a manic depressive, I
cannot hold myself up by myself. Without positive reinforcement from a girl who truly
cares for me, or just takes the time to say something nice for a change, I would crack.
I've cracked before, and it gets worse every time.
Now, this whole females situation is a mine field I'm
walking in. It is a dangerous field and it could blow up in my face anytime. As you all
know, I don't trust girls. I think they do nothing but lie, cheat, and screw you over.
However, that opinion is based on past experiences. If I were to find a girl who really
did like me, it wouldn't take long for that opinion to change. However, Joelle put it
beautifully when she said I "set myself up for depression." She's right. I put way too
much of my heart into every shot in the dark, and when it misses, it's my fault for
caring so much. But, I care so much because I need so much. I hope this page has been
informational and helpful. More importantly, I hope you girls don't hate me even more
now. Bye.
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